Six months ago today, (E.S.T) . . .
Michael is in the hospital. Ive written this poem, (for lack of a better word.) Now I'm sitting beside his hospital bed, facing his back, working on it. (I only know this because the date is typed on the copy I'd printed to take with me to the hospital.)
He is facing the window, where the big tree at the entrance to the hospital is labouring under the weight of an encasement of ice.
Neither will last till morning.
We don't talk. I have him cranked on morphine so he will not be in pain. I never want him to be in pain again. He has been made comfortable facing the window. I can't sit on that side of his bed because that will position me beside the radiator and I can't take the heat.
I've already had pneumonia guy removed from what passes for I.C.U. in this community hospital. I've already rattled the bars on the empty bed beside him until the alarmed nurse said, "What's the matter with you?"
"I want to know what's wrong with him. I think he has leukemia!"
"He doesn't have leukemia. The Doctor will fill you in. He's making his rounds."
I get that if I misbehave I'll have to leave, so I take a valium, sit back down and work on this thing some more.
Michael says, "Are you crying?"
I say, "Yes."
I haven't looked at this since he and his tree broke down and died.
It isn't very good but this is all it'll ever be. I can't touch it, not even to fix a grammatical error. I'm going to have to let it stand. This is my six month tribute to my late man.
If It’s Christmas This Must Be I.C.U.
I’ll bring you the poisonous plant
(poisonous for the cat)
the poinsettia from my Dad,
same as before.
This time I don’t have to worry
about paying for parking,
because we don’t have a car!
But it’s hard to get a cab this time of year.
Bell cut off our internet.
Yeah, behind all the ISPs
lurks Ma Bell.
I called the techie super nerd
and asked him to fix it
but he said he can’t.
I said, “What if I threaten to kill myself?”
I said, “I’m a writer, I could pen a piece for the Globe and Mail.”
I said, “My husband’s in the hospital, we get paid by e-transfer.”
He said he had no opinion on any of that.
(Not even the suicide threat. Stupid boy.)
I hope we get it back before Christmas,
Seems all my real friends aren’t here.
Twenty years in this two bit town
I can’t get a ride to the hospital?
Poor, poor me.
I’m no poet.
I don’t call you Felix.
I call you “Boss” most of the time.
OH MIKOLA DON’T GO.
I taught you that anger is a valid emotion.
It’s okay to laugh out loud.
You can love without risking the cheap tricks
of women who want you to change.
You taught me that a man
could know me, really know me
and love me all the time,
and say “I adore you,” and “I never lie,”
and I could believe him, love him back
and not risk the terrible tricks
of men who want to change me.
we’ve been here before.
Okay, the ten good years you promised me are up
but you know I always want more.
Come home come home
We (that stupid cat and me) can’t be a family without you.
I made stew! I cleaned up all your blood!
I’ve never had a problem begging,
look at me, so “decorative”
down on my knees,
I beg you and baby Jesus and God and Bob and Zeus and all
the big guys you don’t believe in.
Hey Boss! We forgot to get married!
But we never forgot to be in love.
Lucky, lucky me.
Dec.21, 2:50 a.m.
T.O.D. Dec. 22, 6:20 a.m.
Last words: “I’ve had enough. I’m going now.”
- Madeline Moore
- Toronto, Ontario, Canada
- Wild Card, 2006. Winner of "best oral sex scene" - Scarlet Magazine. Amanda's Young Men, 2009. Excerpted in Scarlet Magazine; Juicy Bits. Sarah's Education, 2009. Hit the #1 spots on Amazon.co.uk adult fiction & adult romance best seller lists. Jade Magazine bestowed the best cover art, 2009 award on Sarah's Education. "Get Up, Stand Up!" which appeared in The Cougar Book (Logical-Lust) won me the title 'Story Teller of the Year 2011' at The Erotic Awards, London, UK. Sarah's Education took the #3 spot on a list of the 30 most titillating titles of all time, as reported in English Daily Mail ;Female; Nov. 12, 2012. Debutante, a petite novel for e-publisher Imprint Mischief, (Harper-Collins) pubbed in 2012. I tutor writing students and am a member of the WGC. D.M. Thomas said: Madeline Moore writes great sex without metaphor and that's not easy to do. Kris Saknussemm said: You're a good egg, Madeline Moore. I am a good egg who writes great sex without metaphor! Yippee!